Category Archives: The Death of The Newspaper

Missionary Dogs.

hiii pudgeHere's a question of semantics for you loyal visitors to ponder.

I understand that a person can learn a lesson when dealing with most anything in the world, but does that mean that whatever it was that caused the learning actually taught the lesson?  For me, I think not.

However, when the subject is a dog and the reporter works for the Toledo Blade, the answer is most certainly yes.

Meet Pudgie, a "handsome" shepherd.

"He [Pudgie] taught me patience," said [David] Brody, 41, who is serving a 17-year sentence for armed burglary. "He was real stubborn and bull-headed, but he turned out great." [John] Spirko, 65, who was Pudgie's secondary trainer, echoes Brody's thoughts about the now well-mannered dog. "He [Pudgie]taught me companionship," said Spirko, who is serving a life sentence for aggravated murder.

 

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It’s Not Exactly ESPN On Ohio State, If You Get My Drift.

Jesuite missionary, painting from 1779.
Image via Wikipedia

From the Toledo Blade:

The Ohio High School Athletic Association has imposed sanctions against St. John's Jesuit and Central Catholic high schools for bylaw violations. This season the St. John's soccer team had a athlete violate OHSAA bylaw 4-6-3, which deals with students whose parents reside outside of Ohio. In accordance with bylaw 10-2-1 (forfeitures), the Titans must forfeit victories in eight varsity games and six freshmen games in which the ineligible freshman participated.

One has to wonder what the Blade report would look like if this was Whitmer and not The Blade's beloved St John Jesuit.  My guess is not like this.

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Perhaps She Can Work For The Blade

The good news; the dog got better.  The bad news; Lynn Jones is still fired.

It was so thin, it made me cry.  I kept telling my supervisor, ‘That dog is going to die if it gets on that plane.’  He didn’t even really look at the dog.  He just kept saying: ‘The dog is going, the dog is going.’ And I kept saying, ‘It is not.’ And we went back and forth, ‘Yes it is, no it isn’t, yes it is.’ I was hysterical and crying and yelling because the plane was going to leave and I was afraid the dog was going to be on it. I kept saying, ‘Please, please, the dog is going to die.’

Still no word from the dog on how he feels about all of this, most likely because it's a wire story.

Previously

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Old People And Dog Food.

 

HIGH LITTLETON, UNITED KINGDOM - JANUARY 07:  ...
Image by Getty Images via @daylife

This headline in The Toledo Blade caught my eye.

Pet food drive to aid seniors.

Turns out, the food isn't actually for the seniors.

The six-year-old program aims to feed pets of homebound seniors who already receive meals for themselves from the charitable Meals on Wheels.

The humor of the headline aside, why do people who can't afford to feed themselves have pets?

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Attention All Units

Fields and billboards in northeastern Perrysbu...
Image via Wikipedia

I don't know exactly why this shit fascinates me so.

About 25 volunteers continue to search for a chihuahua mix named Bambi who has been missing for more than a month after a fiery truck crash on the Ohio Turnpike.

One of the things that I find absolutely hysterical about all of these dog stories The Blade publishes is the human qualities they give the dogs.

Bambi is not unfamiliar with crisis: She previously survived Hurricane Katrina...

I've been told that if you come home from work and find out that your dog has crapped in your living room, that it is pointless to punish the dog, because she doesn't even remember that she did it.

Another question one might consider in this particular story is who are the 25 people that have time to look for a dog that has been missing for more than a month?  Oh wait.  Blade staff?  Nah, the story says they are volunteers.  Can a newspaper publisher force his employees to volunteer?

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His Attitude Is Just Incredible.

Here's the story of Daniel the dog.

Daniel surprised workers at the Animal Control facility in Florence, Ala., on Oct. 3, the day he was supposed to be put down with several other animals in a stainless-steel box roughly the size of a pickup truck bed that was filled with carbon monoxide.

He surprised them by not dying.

This heart warming dog story, and many other stories about dogs, dog wardens and dog shelters, can be found in the pages of the Toledo Blade, a dog's best friend.

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Nitpicking High School Visitations

Grilled hot dogs
Image via Wikipedia

I read the story in today's Toledo Blade regarding the visitations by 8th graders this week of all six Catholic high schools in metro Toledo.  My daughter is in 8th grade, and so I have a vested interest in the story.  Those of you who know this space certainly know where my allegiances lie and where they don't.  I guess it's the paranoia in me, but whenever I read these stories, I look for bias in the Blade reporting.  I think I found some, but I can't be sure because my paranoia always seems to cloud my vision.  You be the judge.

It can also very well be that some schools treat this event a bit differently than others.  Some schools may try to sugar coat the high school experience, while others may be a little straighter in their approach.

First the Catholic school that calls itself "The One."

Central Catholic is the largest of the six high schools with 1,008 students this year.

While we all know the reason for that, the Blade seems incapable of reporting it.

Next on to Airport.

At St. John's Jesuit High School, the eighth-grade boys tour the 56-acre campus in golf carts driven by teachers or coaches.  And while most of the schools offer cookies or light refreshments, St. John's starts with cookies, moves into hotdogs on the senior patio, and ends the session with french fries and soda pop for good measure. St. John's, which began distributing iPads to all students this year, introduced that technology to eighth graders and showed off its new turf football field and athletic complex.

Gee, that sounds a lot like a sales pitch.  How about that sales pitch from Bancroft?

"We don't dumb it down like some schools," [Director of Admissions Rick Michalak] said. "We still have a [pep] rally, but the kids are going into our chapel to hear about service and our campus ministry. They're going down to the science wing and talking to the physics, biology, and chemistry teachers."

Wow, that sounds like fun, but where's my iPad2 the new turf football field, athletic complex or hotdogs on the senior patio?

Oh wait, I forgot.  The iPad2 is soon to be obsolete, I play football or soccer or lacrosse or whatever else is going to be played on that field but I don't get any real playing time because, well, you know, and I won't actually be a senior for four more years so for 75% of my high school life I can never step on this patio again (and eat delicious hot dogs).  But I will get to see a few pep rallies, go to the chapel frequently and take a science class every year.

Yea.  I know.  I'm sick.

But how might you wrap a story like this if you are the Toledo Blade?  Like this?

Fresh from helping out with a science lab experiment with dry ice at Central Catholic yesterday, St. Joan of Arc eighth-grader Mario Markho said he was leaning toward St. John's. "I found it more appealing to me," he said.

Of course you would.

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